DEVIATIONS THAT INFRINGE THE LAW: VOYEURISM AND EXHIBITIONISM

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Voyeurism means being excited by watching someone naked – the “peeping Tom” syndrome. Exhibitionism is being excited by being seen naked, or with the genitals bared -the “flasher” syndrome.

But only in certain circumstances should they be considered sexual perversions.

If a hotel manager drills holes in the bathroom walls to watch his guests washing, he is a voyeur, a peeping Tom. This is a perverse and reprehensible practice.

But if a husband watches through the keyhole as his wife takes a bath, he can barely be accused of more than curiosity. And if his curiosity gets him “in the mood”, one cannot see what his wife might complain about!

If a man on holiday watches through binoculars as a couple make love on a distant yacht, he is not trespassing; the sea belongs to everyone. It is perfectly natural to enjoy watching an erotic scene; this has nothing to do with voyeurism.

A man who opens his raincoat to flash his “family jewels” at the women on the benches in the park is an exhibitionist. This is a sexual perversion, and is quite rightly punished by the law.

A man who opens his dressing gown to flash his genitals at his wife is making an erotic gesture, not practising a perversion. What harm in it if he enjoys it and it amuses his wife as she imagines where his gesture is likely to lead!

Fully developed voyeurism and exhibitionism are typically male perversions. As erotic fantasies, however, they are features of both sexes. This is not only natural but desirable. The male tendency is more towards voyeurism, the female tendency towards exhibitionism.

Even if it remains unconscious, all women are more or less exhibitionist. Their instinctive sexuality tells them to allow a hint of the delightful roundness of their breasts beneath a flimsy blouse or in a plunging neckline, to show off the smoothness of their legs, to let spectators savour the attraction of their buttocks under tight-fitting jeans.

They do not reserve this form of exhibitionism for their regular partner. Everyone gets the benefit, in the street, the underground, the office, everywhere. And no one can reproach them if, on the beach, they keep nothing hidden bar a few square centimeters of flesh.

Any woman who wants a satisfying sexual relationship (and wants to share it with her partner) must behave this way. In the privacy of the home she should even go a bit further. There is more to a fulfilling love life than a brief encounter in bed before one falls asleep. The preliminaries begin in the kitchen, in front of the telly, over the supper table. Any place will do to uncover the most intimate parts of your body or just offer a glimpse, to wear sexy underwear or pose provocatively.

Every woman must convince herself this behaviour is entirely natural. It is the essential core of the provocative role that is the rightful place of a woman in her sexual relations with a man. She must enjoy it and get a sensual thrill from it. If not, she will stand little chance of being appreciated as the ideal partner by her man. Unless she is especially gifted in this line, she will even go so far as to train in strip-tease methods or belly-dancing. In the USA, for example, despite the strong puritan streak many women have, belly dancing schools are now very popular and are frequented by many respectable married women.

These forms of behaviour are all the more necessary because they match the voyeuristic tendencies of the male. Men always regard love and sexuality in all its forms as a spectacle, a show. It is also a very important part of what he most appreciates in his partner. All men enjoy looking at every part of a woman’s body, her postures, her movements, including the caresses that her hands, lips and tongue may proffer to his penis; his penis too is a part of the spectacle, for her as much as for him.

Once again, it is vital that the woman should want to behave like this, that she should find it exciting and pleasurable. Otherwise she will have the unpleasant feeling of acting out scenes from a pornographic film – and he for his part will not long enjoy a spectacle that is more comic than erotic.

It has been said that voyeurism is the “poor man’s orgasm”. After all, if the disadvantaged – the ugly, the crippled, the mentally retarded, all society’s rejects – can get a little pleasure from masturbating in their pockets while they watch other people performing the act they will never be able to perform themselves – what harm is there in that?

With voyeurism as with any sexual perversion, we must take circumstances into account in our judgements. The definition should include the idea of peeping without the consent of the actors in the scene. People who go to see pornographic films certainly have the same motivation, but they are spectators, not voyeurs.